hey friends, happy new year, been suffering from writer's bloc for a while now, hope you can forgive me for starving you all this while. well I got a new one for you.......sit back and enjoy the ride with me,,,
Adanna’s radiant face was glowing, yes, those funny feelings of yesteryears has found its way to my head yet again. For the first time since I started this race, it is now dawning on me that I may actually end up a victor at the end of it all.
I remember her only slightly well now, we were a match made from heaven. She was the only individual weirder than me in all of the camp. We became friends not because she wanted to become my friend but because I wanted to understand her. She was so infamous for her impulsiveness that it drove everybody away from her and it attracted random wolves like me.
Nobody understood her, she wanted to do it all, enjoy it all, the whole nine yards of the camping experience. We were at different sides of the coin in this though, I had no desire whatsoever to enjoy anything that the camp had to offer, I just wanted to do my time and get off the island.
But Adanna fascinated me, I was driven by a deep desire to know her and understand her, but she could not even care less who I was or even if I existed. Physically I was not attracted to her, if I was it would have made the job easier but I wasn’t.
Then came the posting out of the camp, and lo and behold we were posted to the same area and hence our romance began. Our affair was fueled by the extreme similarities between us two, despite the fact that occasionally or shall I put, more often than not, I was always at the center of the critics especially when the issue involved her. Adanna was the person I wanted to become, she was a goal getter, she never saw obstacles, all she ever sees are possibilities and I was her exact opposite.
The first time we said anything to each other, we were at different sides of a particular coin on a particular issue in a routine CDS meeting once, and after listening to me go on and on about the impossibility of a particular situation, she calmly stood up and gave several solutions to the seemingly impossible tasks ahead. I was angry, she just took my ego wrapped it into a ball and kicked it into a waste basket.
I swallowed my pride, held my head high and didn’t say a word till the meeting was over. As I was walking towards the exit of the place where the meeting took place, somebody tapped me from behind, I looked back and lo and behold, it was Adanna smiling sweetly at me.
“hey, handsome” she said sweetly as she approached me. I was stunned at that compliment for two reasons, number one was the fact that as far as I was concerned I was nowhere near handsome as a guy and the second reason was the fact that I thought she didn’t like me.
“Why do you look so startled? Like you just saw a ghost…” she smiled and gave me a little jab on my shoulder. “Somebody has been making some assumptions about me in his mind”
“And why would you assume that?” I managed to ask after finally overcoming my initial shock.
“It’s written all over you face, I can assume that I tripped your ego during the meeting”
“You may not learn this anywhere else” I said calmly, trying to take control of the conversation. “ It’s been said in some quarters that assumptions are the ………….”
“Lowest form of knowledge” Adanna interrupted swiftly, the smile on her face had not vanished but she sounded rather irritated. “I know, it was a statement credited to Dr. Ed Cole.”
“Someone is brushing up on their history” I said with a grin.
“Apparently you didn’t read the article” she said calmly “that statement has nothing to do with history”
My eyes glared with anger, here she was again, giving me a lecture, what was her problem, and can’t she just shut her mouth? What was she doing talking to me sef?
As though she could read my mind…she said
“I’m doing it again, right?” I was dumbfounded, awestruck, I could not answer her, and to add insult to injury, my voice failed me. ‘
“I’m a talkative and I can by very insulting at times. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I just came to apologize.”
More than ever, I was humbled, or shall I say that I was impressed? How is it possible that she found it necessary to apologize? I would never have done that, I told myself.
“I’m sorry too; I allowed my ego to get the better of me. So so sorry” she just brushed my apology aside as though it meant nothing.
“You don’t have to apologize, I intruded on your zone and tried to make it mine, please don’t mind me” she said rubbing my back in a rather friendly manner. I was expecting her touch to be gentle but I was met with a disappointment, she was as a rough as a guy would be. Then without saying another word, she just left, leaving my mind to trail what could have been in her mind.
My eyes glared, no human has ever used such words on me, not even my father, this is supposed to be a workplace not a house, how dare she call me stupid? And for what reason if I may ask? The way I was dressed? Who does that? I had to step back for a little while and assess myself. I wasn’t that bad, while it was very true that I wasn’t dressed appropriately for the office, the truth remained that I wasn’t dressed so badly either.
Here I was in her office, obviously accepting that I was guilty and ready to do anything to remedy the guilt. “You’re nauseating me, in fact get out of my office” she shouted again. I simply smirked and headed for the door but not without apologizing one more time. I felt like saying something else to her actually, but I held myself back, it would have felt good if I had fired her a warning not to insult me or call me stupid again, after all, this is an office environment but the Christianity in me wouldn’t allow me so, instead it was an apology that emanated from my mouth.
As though my apology infuriated her the more, “in fact you need to go home now, and don’t return to this office until you are properly dressed”. It shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. I had to walk out of the office without her permission, to recover from what I had just heard. I began calculating, I played a scenario in my head where I replied without leaving her office, “so you are giving me the day off?” Her reply would have been catastrophic.
I summoned up my courage and made my entrance back to her office, it was as though she was expecting me…she stood up from behind the large table that was her desk in all her fullness, at that moment, I was blinded with mischief, all I could see was a ball like creature that could only be likened to a huge fat frog that was about to explode based on the way that her eye balls were bulging with fury.
“What are you still doing here? You’re an irresponsible twat!”
“err…….em I came to explain some things to you ma’am”
“I am in no mood to listen to anything that concerns you or comes out of that filthy mouth of yours”. At that moment, my mind derailed from my looming doom and I wondered how it was that she knew that my mouth was filthy but I quickly brushed the thought aside.
“I can’t go home ma’” I managed to say and I swallowed slowly bracing myself for whatever she was going to throw at me next. She was however surprisingly silent as though she was pondering a perfect and the most toxic reply for me. “All my good clothes are at the laundry, the dry cleaner is not through with them yet”
“See this mad boy ooooo!” She screamed and laughed sarcastically.” So what you’re trying to tell me is that you don’t do your own laundry?”
The anger that arose within me choked whatever word that I was going to say out of me. But I still managed to mutter a “Yes” not to seem too rude if I didn’t reply.
“I always knew that your problem was laziness, you are just way too lazy, so at your age, you employ a dry cleaner to do your laundry?” she asked sarcastically with her arms akimbo while her upper body was thrown forward simultaneously revealing two hugely disgusting lumps that were supposed to serve as her breast. My mind wandered yet again to what my colleague from another agency had told me about the hostility that is often exhibited by female bosses that it could be attributed to sexual frustrations at home and I couldn’t help but wonder about the kind of man that had married this fat frog and how unfortunate he was.
“Are you dumb, or can’t you answer simple questions again?”
“Yes ma’am” I answered, trying to sound as respectful as I can. “I get too busy during the weekend with church activities and all”
“You must be crazy for bringing the church of God into this” she blurted out without blinking.
“Sorry?” I asked, just trying to convince myself that she didn’t just call me crazy.
“it is people like you that always give men of God a bad name” she continued without replying my earlier query.
“Madam, I have done no such thing, I have not even mentioned the name of anybody in all this. I would not blame anybody for my woes.” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“Yes, indeed you have not, but you will eventually” I looked at her as though she had vaporized from the spot, she had started to irritate me, I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Go and give me the phone number of your Pastor”
I stared at her blankly, wanting to believe that my ears were deceiving me. Didn’t know when I blurted out “why?”
“You need an alibi for your cock and bull and your pastor will provide it”
“I didn’t know that I was being tried in a law court? Why do I need to provide an alibi?”
“Are you crazy? How dare you question me?” she asked fuming yet again.
“No ma, I am not crazy” I retorted putting my head down in the process.
“Now I know for certain that you’re crazy” she said while waving her hands at me as though she was going to slap me. At that moment I paused to think for a second, a slap from those beefy hand of hers would leave an indelible mark on my face for a fairly long time, but then again if she does it, she might get the query, but even though the possibility of her getting a query seemed sumptuous, it was not worth inciting her and getting a dirty slap that might disfigure my face.
“Madam, I do not believe that it is professional for you to use such words in an office environment to me, being that you’re a senior colleague and just a few years ahead of me.”
“O MY GOD!!!”she exclaimed at the top of her voice, her face was a shade of red, she was breathing heavily as though she was about to explode, common sense told me to leave that office there and then but my legs were refusing to see the sense in what it was saying as it stayed glued to the spot.
“I do have a right to report you on the grounds that you have been abusing me with vulgar words all through today. Hence we’re both guilty here, myself for my irresponsible way of dressing and you madam, for your irresponsible tongue”
It was certain, I had crossed the line, and my bad mouth has landed me into another ditch. But for some strange reasons, she didn’t say anything else, she just stared at me, it was as though blood had drained from her face. The color of her face was all the encouragement that I needed as I bolted out of the door.
